I did not intend to revisit the topic of "Lessons of Seduction" for the moment and not particularly on one who wears the number 19, but remember, in conclusion I was wondering if there was the symbolic equivalent of the female Casanova or Don Juan.
It turns out that yesterday I received a long comment that deserves only to be released, that does not respond yes or no to my question, but that opens up interesting possibilities.
It deals not only with what is a deceiver and a perverse narcissistic, histrionic, but also a woman's point of view of psychoanalysis.
It's just exciting.
"Yes we can draw a parallel between the seductive and perverse narcissism (PN), the two dislike each other, do not like the 2 women, 2 did not know, do not understand what it means to "love." the two remained in an infantile stage ... with conflicts with the mother but also the father totally outdated and not outstanding ...
also often used the same words for their actions: "prey" - "hunting" - "right" ...
PR will often tend to use the mask of the deceiver to "attract" the woman (or women) he has chosen (s) as a victim. (There are also women PN, but somehow there talking about my experience personally, I faced a man PN) As we also tend to use the phrase "I was the victim of a seducer."
it will simply be easier to "forgive" and to recover from an experience with a "simple" seductive (I should say that I did not excuse the actions of a seducer who can also harm a woman who believed in a great story to come) ... which is ultimately lost, drowned in his need to please and seduce to reassure his own worth and existence ...
while a perverse narcissist is in a deliberate to do harm, what is more difficult to enjoy it without seeming triggers.
communication: the seducer
retain some mystery, it communicates little, it lets the imagination wander seduced women, and create all possible hopes.
perverse narcissist begins with the submission of a seducer, he drew his victim while weaving a spider's web, which then allow him to manipulate in order to accept the unacceptable suffering to come.
another distinction could be time, time ... While the 2 highly appreciate the hunting season and conquest, and the "prey" is difficult, more satisfaction is high ("intellectual masturbation") but not a seducer rarely engages in the medium or long term, once the heart of the "prey" delighted ( with or without sex for that matter), he went to another or other conquests ... once conquered, it is quickly forgotten ....
a perverse narcissist does not let his prey, some settled in the same household, marry, have children by focusing on a particular victim. Other victims will multiply in parallel, by forming a kind of harem (by confessing or not)
often seducer goes ... once conquest acquired ... to satisfy his constant need for new conquests to come
in the case of a perverse narcissistic they can leave, but they always come back ... and above all they are constantly trying to maintain a connection (phone, sms, mail ...) stay in the lives of victims. a relationship with a narcissistic pervert is dotted with several breaks / reconciliations before the real separation. it is ultimately always the victim who ends up running away and cut the bridges.
(The narcissistic pervert comes into contact with each other to seduce him. It appeals sometimes physically but mostly mentally. It is pleasant, reassuring, confident ... Especially when dealing with someone who is not very secure. He begins by praising you. You're the best, most talented, most cultured ... No one but you do not account for him (he does not hesitate to say the same thing to several persons in succession). He changes masks as required, sometimes seductive adorned with all the qualities, sometimes weak and innocent victim. He has a scrupulous concern for appearances, giving the image more often, valuable for his ego, a perfect person, an image which hides his lack of emotion, love, sincerity and concern for anything that is not him. He is not interested in reality, everything is for his game appearances and manipulating the other.
Some clues can you put a flea in his ear: inflated self-esteem, feelings of being single, need to be recognized as unique and critically ill lived.
Whether seductive or perverse narcissistic manipulator always answers the same mechanism. The goal is to dominate, to one or more persons under his control, to have someone available to which we will do what we want, which we will use as a puppet. The manipulator will use seduction to attract its prey: it brings a lot to the person, love bombing, said that it will be wonderful, it's a short phase of seduction as honey to attract bees. It looks like a seduction, but seduction is actually a narcissistic manipulator is very beautiful, very protective, promises many things to deceive the person. What differentiates the narcissistic perverse seducer, is the goal:
The narcissistic pervert seduces his prey but then he keeps because what he loves most is to destroy the image of his victim. Once the fish is "rail", he just keeps "hanging" until he needs it. He plays with his victim to the cat and mouse, making velvet paw to better keep it, then leaving her claws when she tries to escape. These accolades and these protestations of attachment allow him to better "you run" then playing on the element of surprise, and you achieve more than you do not expect the attack and he has also careful to choose precisely the time when you could least you would expect. Everything revolves around him and above all must stop when he is not there. It is in total control of another, even more.
The seducer manipulates his victim because he needs reassurance about his ability to please and seduce. The seducer is a collector of adventures. Once he has conquered the heart of a person, it does not mean anything to them and will seek another victim of seduction. It does not seek to engage in a long term relationship. He takes it and throws it!
can all be manipulated against a master manipulator. A good manipulator can always find the weak point of the person, yet we all have a weakness. But it is clear that the perverse narcissists often select people who have some vulnerabilities, which have a great lack of confidence in them, people who have been weakened or made a very vulnerable time in their life (assault, maltreatment, abandonment, etc. ...). In general, handled are people who can not say "no." It fetches the fragility of any kind, he rushes into the "wound" of the moment: bereavement, separation, dismissal, interest of money ... The victim often search a person on his side strong and charismatic who reassures her, and this is precisely the image that the pervert wants to give him.
In most cases, victims of "ideal" qualities that come with the perverse precisely covets: talented and always looking to give the best of themselves, they are attractive. It most often takes its toll on people full of energy and love of life, for vampirize and "devitalized." It is preferable to choose honest, sincere, kind, who truly seek to console and repair, personalities mothering, loving, dedicated, because it needs to be loved, to have someone completely at his service. But also naive, not too critical, even fragile, so get them easier and faster to accept a relationship of dependency.
These people do not notice right away the evil of their interlocutor (trice). In fact it will gradually destabilize his victim by making brief remarks, innocuous at first, he says one thing and then its otherwise. It implies criticism but he did not actually say he blames the other, it makes him responsible for what is wrong. Alternating seduction and threat, saying one thing and its opposite, the manipulated reaches a total confusion. And all this always happens in private. Gradually the manipulator comes to make us think as he wants, he imposes his mode of operation, the victim ends up not having to think critically. It creates and maintains a climate of tension and alternates from each other fears and regrets.
It also leads him away from criticizing his entourage, saying it brings him nothing. In
As the person gets used manipulated, think it's normal, it's going to need that relationship, which will become a kind of addiction. As
profoundly generous, they can not bring themselves to admit the evil of their tormentor, and apply it to find excuses.
The pervert can also pretend to be weak, take mine hangdog, sad eyes, which will then want to just look after women Nursery, dedicated, they exist only by the dedication to others. They easily fall under the influence of evil in which they will, often wrongly, a fragile person, a child to be protected. Harassed the victim, lives in the hope of "cure" the stalker and it is this illusion that makes it stay in the relationship, and continue to suffer the attacks that destroyed it.
When people begin to constantly pay attention to what they should say or not say when the handler tries to influence his relationship when he begins to criticize without reason ... it is at this moment it is possible to realize they have to do with such characters. The main
sequel is that long after the victim continues to say "what he would have said that?" "What he would have thought that? . It tends to put in what his handler would have liked, it is impregnated. It's really an addiction.
humiliations that have been incurred are not forgotten. The person keeps asking the question "why I accepted, how could I do, do it because I'm too weak?". She feels guilty for having been trapped and ashamed for a long time. It will become wary in relationships, because she always says: "Since I got caught once, why not do it again."
Finally, victims have an empty feeling: for a long time they were guided, they will have to relearn it to think for themselves. It requires rehabilitation.
The most important is to understand that their abuser will never change.
They can never get him any recognition, remorse, regret and apology. If by chance, his speech suggests that he still handles.
must learn to detach himself from his words, from seeing through him, out of guilt, and return the same esteem.
These people tend to give priority to the needs of others. So we must first learn to say "no." Fear is often the cause of this refusal to say "no" fear of injury, to be tried, or more commonly not to be loved. The important thing is to choose based on a profit for himself in a situation, instead of giving out of guilt. All learning.
caring about his pleasure should be a new goal, to listen to her desires, what one wants for oneself or what one does more. We must stop trying to please the other ... What will seek to overcome the fear of loneliness, of course.
Assertiveness and self-esteem are key elements of the reconstruction.) (Nathalie Noachovitch)
Regarding the seductive, I think we can find what scenarios histrionic women (formerly called hysterical).
In France, we use the term advantage to describe hysterical personality disorder.
This personality disorder is characterized by a reactive behavior excessive, or excessively expressed intensely dramatic, with a propensity for exaggeration, emotional excitability and disturbances in interpersonal relationships.
According to the DSM IV: There
emotional responses and excessive attention seeking.
These occur in early adulthood and is present in various contexts, as indicated by five of the following:
- the topic is uncomfortable in situations where it is not center of attention of others.
- interaction with others is often characterized by inappropriate sexually seductive behavior or attitude provocative.
- emotional expression surface and rapidly changing
- regularly uses her physical appearance to draw attention to yourself
- way too subjective to talk but short on details
- dramatization, theatricality and exaggerated expression of emotional
- suggestibility, easily influenced by others or by circumstances
- considers relationships that are more intimate 'they actually are
The major symptom is the histrionics, that is an attitude of patients who seek to draw attention to themselves, to please or attract excessive and intrusive.
Unlike depressive personalities who shut themselves in their s'autostimulent and gloomy ruminations or dependent personalities who passively await the assistance of others, histrionic personalities are dependent active: they actively seek the attention and help from others . Thus, they have a strong ability to change their attitudes based on what they involve expectations of their partner.
The attitude most of the histrionic personality is a theatrical attitude: they are people constantly representation. Their stories dramatize or embellish reality. Sometimes they falsify it, is what is called the mythomania (confabulation not delusional).
In the case of a lack of interest by others, the level of anxiety of these people will increase raising fears among them a passage to the act including the most dramatic suicide attempt. It must then be interpreted as an additional way to stay under the gaze of others.
It may be noted other symptoms:
- egocentrism
- manipulative behavior, such as blackmail
- affective lability (frequent change of mood)
- the artificiality of emotions (superficial level of emotions)
- addicted to other
- a sexualization of social relations: the behavior of seduction is to go wrong for histrionic personalities nymphomaniacs. Indeed, they show hyper-femininity.
- disorders of sex with either an avoidance of any sexual or hypersexuality apparent masking profound inhibition, frigidity.
The histrionic personality is not always aware of the game it leads, opportunities for introspection it lacks. There is also a lack of distance and control with respect to affect.
The histrionic personality is more common in women.
In humans, it is rarer and more particularly poorly tolerated socially. The histrionics here translates into bragging, bluster, stories embellished adventures advantageous than trying to mask his weakness and lack of manliness. Don Juan's attitude masks the sexual inhibitions.
These figures would avoid the histrionic authentic emotional relationships with others. The histrionic personality is in constant need of others to feel valued. This emotional dependence, together with egotism, is associated with an extreme intolerance to frustration, which in some cases will take spectacular forms, the most common are intense crying, temper tantrums excessive. The movement characterizes the mood of the usual histrionic personalities: the bursts of enthusiasm and dejection succeed unabated. There is also an emotional hyperactivity.
From the cognitive perspective, there is a real problem in these patients to determine their attention to focus on sustainable event, difficulty in having a rational analysis of situations. The situations will be analyzed to advantage by the emotions they evoke in the subject, giving the speech a vagueness, vague, subjective. Their self image is often deeply devalued. The repeated failure experiences reinforce their deep sense of worthlessness, weakness against its existence. However, they will increase this weakness in the hope that relief; histrionic personalities actively seeking external media.
Other are collected based on building needs sought by the narcissistic histrionic personality. They are admirers potential audiences to conquer.
It is worth remembering that these people are not simulated.
According to current psychoanalytic personality has its origin in the unconscious conflicts. That statement reflects the resolution of pathological sexuality conflict. Compared with other addiction, psychoanalysis sets out to explain this phenomenon through a problem-type skills: these are subjects immature, inhibited, passive-dependent can not live only by an entourage and breast protector.
cognitive-behavioral theories emphasize the role of educational setbacks that occurred during childhood. parents are suspected of systematically strengthened their child's achievements in terms of aesthetic, moral or intellectual qualities are much less valued. Therefore, charm, seduction becomes the preferred strategies of the child to meet different demands.
intolerance to frustration, emotional hyperactivity are major suffering decompensation leading to regular depression. It is often at this time What the clinics. They are also experienced in a seductive and theatrical fashion. The therapist will often be taken in witnessing the distress of the histrionic. The histrionic generally suffers from a lack of introspection, a need for narcissistic valuation of the share of others, excessive emotionality and thus a lack of rationalization. The main therapeutic goal is to enhance self-image and teach the patient to rationally analyze situations rather intuitively or emotionally. The restoration of the esteem self is a priority therapies histrionic personalities. They are so convinced of their worthlessness, they seem to be so attached as an image, only the factual and practical demonstration, by comparing their actual skills to the tests of reality, has a real impact.
mode of psychoanalytic treatment remains one of the preferred modes of treatment of histrionic personality if one takes the unconscious origin of this disorder. "
Matilda Primavera.
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